By Sherita Jones | The Anointing Grace
This blog is not just about comparing ourselves to other women. It’s much deeper than that.
Comparison is a symptom, not the problem.
There is a serious problem in our culture today. Young girls and grown women alike are constantly comparing themselves and most don’t realize it’s not actually about the other woman. It goes deeper than that. Beneath the comparison is an identity crisis, a quiet fracture in how we see ourselves. We don’t truly know who we are. And even when someone affirms us, tells us we’re beautiful, capable, anointed, gifted, we don’t believe it. So we go looking for it. We crave validation from people we’ve elevated, people we’ve placed on pedestals, hoping that their approval will finally make something feel true about us. But borrowed validation never sticks. It can’t anchor what was never rooted.
And beneath comparison is something far more uncomfortable. Many don’t actually like who they are. Whether it be internally or externally.
So you measure, mimic, adjust, or perform. But the real issue is not that you’re not like someone else. It’s that you don’t know you.
Comparison kills. But not in the way we think. It doesn’t just kill confidence, comparison is identity suicide. Every time you measure yourself against someone else and wish you were more like them, you subtly reject your own God created design. Comparison is another form of self-abandonment, and most women don’t even see it.
Comparison is an identity problem.
When identity is unclear, we create one. Or worse, we accept one that trauma, rejection, or people assigned to us. Maybe you were the less popular sibling, always slightly in someone else’s shadow. Maybe you felt overlooked so consistently that invisible became your identity. Maybe you never received unconditional love from your father, and that absence left a wound that quietly turned into striving, performing for approval you were always meant to simply have. Those experiences don’t just disappear. They imprint. They shape perception. They quietly form identity. And instead of being taught that your uniqueness was a superpower, many of us were taught, directly or indirectly, that we needed to adjust.
When you’re trying to be like someone else, it’s not always inspiration, sometimes it’s insecurity feeding itself.
I tell my daughters often, when you use your energy trying to be like someone else, you’ve left your post. There are people who need you, need the gifts God placed inside of you. When you abandon your design to imitate someone else’s, the world loses access to what only you carry.
Don’t plant yourself in someone else’s garden.
God didn’t make a mistake when He made you.
You were not born wrong. You were not born lacking. You were not born needing to be edited into someone else. To abandon the perfect design God intentionally formed is also burying the gifts attached to that design. You will never reach your highest point adopting someone else’s identity.
You are dying in soil that wasn’t meant for you.
Think about plants. Roses, sunflowers, orchids, oak trees, all beautiful. All unique. None competing. But put a rose in desert soil meant for a cactus and watch it wither. Not because the rose is defective, but because the environment is misaligned.
The wrong soil will kill what God designed to flourish.
And it makes sense when you think about what we’re feeding ourselves daily. Your brain is always listening. What you watch, scroll through, consume repeatedly, it doesn’t just pass through. It settles. It forms a framework. When one body type is constantly praised, one lifestyle elevated, one personality type celebrated, your mind begins to quietly categorize that as the standard. And when your type is consistently overlooked, something in you starts registering that as a deficit, even if no one ever said it directly. Your nervous system responds to repetition. Feed it filtered perfection and edited lives long enough, and your perception of yourself will begin to distort. Just like a plant growing under artificial light grows uneven and weak, you will grow distorted under artificial standards.
Now, that’s input, and input is shaping your identity. Input Truth. Input the Word of God. Know what God says about you. Let His validation matter. We must know who we are more than any other time in history and steward our identity well.
If you don’t guard what you consume, you will unconsciously adopt identities that were never assigned to you by God.
You cannot walk in confidence and authority while constantly feeding yourself comparison. You cannot believe what God says about you while drowning in voices that contradict it. You cannot flourish planted in soil that starves your design.
At the end of the day, this isn’t about just believing who you are. It’s about knowing who you are. When you know who you are, deeply, spiritually, internally, comparison loses its grip. You’ll begin to love yourself, and I mean truly love yourself.
Until you do the deep internal work, the healing, the reflection, the surrender, you will keep abandoning yourself in subtle ways, operating beneath your authority, unaware that you’ve left your post.
Comparison is not the problem. Identity is.
And the moment you stop performing for the version of you that never existed, is the moment you finally meet the you God designed.
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